The Dawn of Committees

I was reading the funnies this morning (about the only thing I can stand in the paper any more) and read Non Sequitur. Made me wonder what it really must have been like when the first committees were formed in the corporate world.


Here's what I downloaded from a site that showed Non Sequitur among others.

I would imagine it went something like this: The King (CEO) thinks aloud, "We need a quick response to the potential impending doom that confronts us. Now, I don't want to take the fall if I decide poorly, yet certainly want to be able to tag on my good name if we do well. I know, let's get a group together; unsuspecting souls that could save us from ourselves unless we need them to die for the greater good. I'll choose from the brightest I have (good help is so hard to find) and tell them its all on their shoulders. Man, I am good. I am the King."

"I need some volunteers to go help us to emerge victorious! Its a safe assignment and can bring your name to the forefront. You'll live forever in Infamy." They could not see that he capitalized "Infamy" because he was talking, not writing. Little did they know that Infamy was the small village far, far away from the castle, that none could find, never, never, ever.

I'm sure the first order of business was to brainstorm and create an acronym (only done by those that could almost spell, read and write). No true committee could function without a name, so . . .

What is this committee really about? We need quick action, so "Speed" is an obvious choice. Our direction must be foremost also, so "Purpose" will be our second word of definition. A driving "Intention" will lead us forward and in case anyone stands in our way, "Trepidation" will round out our committee's axiom. Yes folks, we are now all powerful, brilliant and ready to take on the evils that surrounds us. We are S.P.I.T.

What is next? A slogan of course. This could be tougher for the committee so they embarked on the mission of finding a good marketing firm. Time passed until one day the King coughed up some of the royal jewelry and behold, the marketers appeared. A simple slogan was birthed, "We are SPIT, we are the shit." Poetic and on purpose.

Nearly a month had passed to get to this point, but by all that was holy, they were ready to begin their task, although by this time, none could remember what the original issue was. The evil that stood before them had become victorious, but the King had come out unscathed. Was the entire committee to live out their days in Infamy?

Being the brilliant group that had been hand picked by the King, they came up with an alternative solution to their own demise and shame. They created the first sub-committee. And all lived happily ever after - save the lowly naves.

Oh, and the first Acronym-Graphic was born.

Office Decor - Odds and Ends

Since I know that everyone on the planet really wants some of the Work Redefined products, I needed to get some lower priced items. These are basically items to hang or use in the office. Posters to tape to the wall, framed posters and tiles, clocks, coasters, mugs - stuff like that. I've tried to hit most of the basic food groups created so far on the site.


If you like to put some small posters on the wall, maybe these from multitasking or corporate crossword, but there are others to choose from. Or if you'd rather put a clock on the wall - how about the beloved seagull management clock. Oh, your corporate bosses will love what you really think of them. You can say that you really do always have time for them.


Now let's really get fancy with a framed print of the business pastime blamestorming. This will really set the stage and let everyone know what to expect from the next project. They'll be volunteering in droves.


A lot of people think you should be able to drink while you're at work (I think the US may be the only country that doesn't do that much any more). Well, fill your mug with whatever you can get away with and drink in Work Redefined style (a contradiction, I know) with one of these beauties while trying to figure out how to make a pivot table - which will take you hours and hours until you get it down, so that your boss can take 33 seconds to look at it, fly over and pull the seagull management attack on you. Oh, think deep before you decide what to fill your cup with. Note from the editor: By the way, don't worry about whether the cup is half empty or half full, just be happy if you can afford to put anything worth drinking into it.

One final attack on your seasoned senses - play some Buzzword Bingo while you mouse away the hours with this how-did-I-ever-live-without-it mouse pad.

Toys in the office. They're a must unless you've got prescriptions that can keep you afloat or adrift, whichever makes the most sense.

Blamestorm

I think this one is sweet and oh, so true. How often have you heard the term "brainstorm" and had it simply suck the life right out of you. First of all, brainstorming is really a process and rarely is it followed. It is supposed to be a free-flow of ideas, but usually ends up just being a trickle. Can't anyone trust each other? Can't we just say what comes to our minds? WAKE UP! This is the real world and in the real world, we wait until its all over and put into place, the all powerful, specially organized and no-win blamestorm.

When the storm hits, it usually has little to due with the brain and more to do with a survival mechanism that apparently runs much deeper (or lower) than the brain; a couple feet lower as a matter of fact. Closer to the posterior, rump, oh hell, the ass. Yep, as in saving one's own . . .

Never done this? Oh, I see. Too noble eh? Well, I wish I could say the same and sleep at night. The blame-game is the 3rd oldest profession in the world. This is a semi-family blog, so I won't mention the first two. Find this one on stuff you'd love to wear in my store in Cafe Press under Blamestorm. I was wearing this one on a corporate trip to Georgia and got stopped more than once by laughs and comments. Pretty cool.