Which Direction?

In keeping with my comic strip theme as of late, I'd now like to steal from Bizarro and apply this to the corporate world. I think that viewing the "99 cent burgers" choice as a current profit option (god bless the stockholders), you could then view truth, justice and wisdom as a long range future. Is there any? I'll get back to you later on that, right now I'm hungry and its a long line.
Wait, I just thought of an acronym for this type of decision process - Burgers Over Wisdom. So, big business, BOW to the almighty whatever . . .

The Dawn of Committees

I was reading the funnies this morning (about the only thing I can stand in the paper any more) and read Non Sequitur. Made me wonder what it really must have been like when the first committees were formed in the corporate world.


Here's what I downloaded from a site that showed Non Sequitur among others.

I would imagine it went something like this: The King (CEO) thinks aloud, "We need a quick response to the potential impending doom that confronts us. Now, I don't want to take the fall if I decide poorly, yet certainly want to be able to tag on my good name if we do well. I know, let's get a group together; unsuspecting souls that could save us from ourselves unless we need them to die for the greater good. I'll choose from the brightest I have (good help is so hard to find) and tell them its all on their shoulders. Man, I am good. I am the King."

"I need some volunteers to go help us to emerge victorious! Its a safe assignment and can bring your name to the forefront. You'll live forever in Infamy." They could not see that he capitalized "Infamy" because he was talking, not writing. Little did they know that Infamy was the small village far, far away from the castle, that none could find, never, never, ever.

I'm sure the first order of business was to brainstorm and create an acronym (only done by those that could almost spell, read and write). No true committee could function without a name, so . . .

What is this committee really about? We need quick action, so "Speed" is an obvious choice. Our direction must be foremost also, so "Purpose" will be our second word of definition. A driving "Intention" will lead us forward and in case anyone stands in our way, "Trepidation" will round out our committee's axiom. Yes folks, we are now all powerful, brilliant and ready to take on the evils that surrounds us. We are S.P.I.T.

What is next? A slogan of course. This could be tougher for the committee so they embarked on the mission of finding a good marketing firm. Time passed until one day the King coughed up some of the royal jewelry and behold, the marketers appeared. A simple slogan was birthed, "We are SPIT, we are the shit." Poetic and on purpose.

Nearly a month had passed to get to this point, but by all that was holy, they were ready to begin their task, although by this time, none could remember what the original issue was. The evil that stood before them had become victorious, but the King had come out unscathed. Was the entire committee to live out their days in Infamy?

Being the brilliant group that had been hand picked by the King, they came up with an alternative solution to their own demise and shame. They created the first sub-committee. And all lived happily ever after - save the lowly naves.

Oh, and the first Acronym-Graphic was born.

Acronyms

Now here's an interesting subject, especially if your extemely busy, like everyone else in the world and just don't have time to say a full sentence. COME ON! Make the time to say the whole thing in words that real people understand. Now, don't fight me on this and don't call me a dumb MF. By the way, MF is not an acronym, so let's take a second here to define. An acronym is, oh, how should I say it; A WORD. No, not just whatever letters you lovingly want to write down. That is an abreviation.

Okay, back to original subject matter, not having the time. Well, we (as a society) have time to watch a 30 minute game show that turns a well intentioned human into a bowl of jello from fear and humiliation, but we apparently don't have time to say "National Aeronautics and Space Administration." Wasn't a good choice you say? To hard to say or too much time? Guess what? NASA stands for 32 other organizations also. So, if you tell a Native American that you are joining NASA he or she might wonder why you think you can be part of the Native American Student Association. Herein lies a part of the problem. We likely spend 20 times longer than we save by trying to communicate correctly, be understood and educate. Okay, maybe NASA wasn't the best choice here, because we all know what it stands for - at least the first one.

In the corporate world of projects, it is just awful. First, every abbreviation is called an acronym, I think mainly because there isn't even enough creative juice (or again, time) to come up with something that you can pronounce - I'd like to buy a vowel please. Second, usually on a project there is an entire document created with the sole purpose of defining "acronyms." The list is often very long. "Why is this?" you may ask. Well you may not, but I do. Its because we're lazy, don't think we have any time (see my blog section on multitasking) and simply want to make sure that anyone following behind us has to suffer the "Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune" (SAOF - you figure out how to say it). Leading to the last paragraph . . .

Did Shakespeare use acronyms? I think not. An abbreviation, yes I know, not an acronym, but my hip-hop version: 2BRN2B, that is the question - oh looks and sounds great doesn't it. Shakespeare must have had more time than we do now. Obviously, I'm no Shakespeare. Therefore, I give you my latest tainted thoughts on cloth, pin and other product - "ACE - Acronymically Challenged Employee" and yes, it is an acronym and no, I just don't have time to say the phrase. So be an ACE along with me. Give Gary words! ACE

Just wanted to add that I was in a training meeting a few days ago on a rather large project for my company. The person giving the training used a sentence with 6 acronyms (mostly abbreviations really). I didn't even think that was possible. Well, in defiance to what I've stated earlier, it was a long meeting so good use of abbreviated English-and I'll bet that sentence alone saved us 6 seconds.