Which Direction?

In keeping with my comic strip theme as of late, I'd now like to steal from Bizarro and apply this to the corporate world. I think that viewing the "99 cent burgers" choice as a current profit option (god bless the stockholders), you could then view truth, justice and wisdom as a long range future. Is there any? I'll get back to you later on that, right now I'm hungry and its a long line.
Wait, I just thought of an acronym for this type of decision process - Burgers Over Wisdom. So, big business, BOW to the almighty whatever . . .

Exit Survey

If you have ever managed people or been managed in a corporate environment, you've likely run into the Exit Survey or Exit Interview. This is an interesting tradition, an effort to gather data about the company from (very often) disgruntled employees. If you really want the truth, make sure and ask someone who's pissed off, that ought to get you somewhere.

In the latest tradition on this blog, here's a comic strip copy, this time from Close to Home that I grabbed a number of months ago. Ah, yes the exit interview. I have certainly felt like this guy in my life and my answers to the questions on an exit survey were likely tainted just a tad. "Oh, fine, now you ask me about how I freakin' feel." And let the games begin.

Of course I would like to know how this information is used, but I'm guessing it isn't. Yet another check-the-box formality so that just in case anyone asks, we love our people and want to make them happy - just before they die. Just think about how you'd really like to answer the question. "What did you least like about your work experience?" Write it all down, then use what you want when or if the time comes. Of course, if you ever want to work for them again (because you're desperate beyond anything you ever imagined) you might have to bite your tongue, lip and/or pen.

I'm sure that this process is effective and well worth the time and effort spent. Responses are likely filed in the deep dark 18th file cabinet from the front of the human resources office. It's where all personnel files go to die. So, long live the exit interview, may we all reap the benefits and be better for it. Just remember, they're from corporate and they're here to help.

The Dawn of Committees

I was reading the funnies this morning (about the only thing I can stand in the paper any more) and read Non Sequitur. Made me wonder what it really must have been like when the first committees were formed in the corporate world.


Here's what I downloaded from a site that showed Non Sequitur among others.

I would imagine it went something like this: The King (CEO) thinks aloud, "We need a quick response to the potential impending doom that confronts us. Now, I don't want to take the fall if I decide poorly, yet certainly want to be able to tag on my good name if we do well. I know, let's get a group together; unsuspecting souls that could save us from ourselves unless we need them to die for the greater good. I'll choose from the brightest I have (good help is so hard to find) and tell them its all on their shoulders. Man, I am good. I am the King."

"I need some volunteers to go help us to emerge victorious! Its a safe assignment and can bring your name to the forefront. You'll live forever in Infamy." They could not see that he capitalized "Infamy" because he was talking, not writing. Little did they know that Infamy was the small village far, far away from the castle, that none could find, never, never, ever.

I'm sure the first order of business was to brainstorm and create an acronym (only done by those that could almost spell, read and write). No true committee could function without a name, so . . .

What is this committee really about? We need quick action, so "Speed" is an obvious choice. Our direction must be foremost also, so "Purpose" will be our second word of definition. A driving "Intention" will lead us forward and in case anyone stands in our way, "Trepidation" will round out our committee's axiom. Yes folks, we are now all powerful, brilliant and ready to take on the evils that surrounds us. We are S.P.I.T.

What is next? A slogan of course. This could be tougher for the committee so they embarked on the mission of finding a good marketing firm. Time passed until one day the King coughed up some of the royal jewelry and behold, the marketers appeared. A simple slogan was birthed, "We are SPIT, we are the shit." Poetic and on purpose.

Nearly a month had passed to get to this point, but by all that was holy, they were ready to begin their task, although by this time, none could remember what the original issue was. The evil that stood before them had become victorious, but the King had come out unscathed. Was the entire committee to live out their days in Infamy?

Being the brilliant group that had been hand picked by the King, they came up with an alternative solution to their own demise and shame. They created the first sub-committee. And all lived happily ever after - save the lowly naves.

Oh, and the first Acronym-Graphic was born.