Welcome to my jaded world of work, office and the corporate world. Having spent the past 16 years working in manufacturing for a large company, I worked my way up through the ranks to the "semi-executive" plateau where the grass is not really greener (okay, the money is), but just has a whole bunch of weird shades. Everyone talks differently and eventually you get sucked into the world of Corporate-speak and think. Well, "Work Redefined" is my outlet.I find myself sitting on conference calls or in meetings and can't help but turn terms and phrases into something much more entertaining; entertaining for myself and hopefully for others who have the same reservations and/or disgust for what they hear on a daily basis. It kind of resembles thoughts from Dilbert and The Office, but my own personal twist.Yes, I'm part of the evil, but I keep pushing against it in an effort to not become fully absorbed in it all. I've put some of my thoughts on shirts, hats and things that you can see on Cafe Press under Work Redefined. I'll post some of the tantalizing tidbits on my blog for your pleasure, pain or entertainment.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Office Decor - Odds and Ends

Since I know that everyone on the planet really wants some of the Work Redefined products, I needed to get some lower priced items. These are basically items to hang or use in the office. Posters to tape to the wall, framed posters and tiles, clocks, coasters, mugs - stuff like that. I've tried to hit most of the basic food groups created so far on the site.

If you like to put some small posters on the wall, maybe these from multitasking or corporate crossword, but there are others to choose from. Or if you'd rather put a clock on the wall - how about the beloved seagull management clock. Oh, your corporate bosses will love what you really think of them. You can say that you really do always have time for them.

Now let's really get fancy with a framed print of the business pastime blamestorming. This will really set the stage and let everyone know what to expect from the next project. They'll be volunteering in droves.

A lot of people think you should be able to drink while you're at work (I think the US may be the only country that doesn't do that much any more). Well, fill your mug with whatever you can get away with and drink in Work Redefined style (a contradiction, I know) with one of these beauties while trying to figure out how to make a pivot table - which will take you hours and hours until you get it down, so that your boss can take 33 seconds to look at it, fly over and pull the seagull management attack on you. Oh, think deep before you decide what to fill your cup with. Note from the editor: By the way, don't worry about whether the cup is half empty or half full, just be happy if you can afford to put anything worth drinking into it.

One final attack on your seasoned senses - play some Buzzword Bingo while you mouse away the hours with this how-did-I-ever-live-without-it mouse pad.

Toys in the office. They're a must unless you've got prescriptions that can keep you afloat or adrift, whichever makes the most sense.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Seagull Management

This phrase certainly isn't mine, but a collection of corporate or business world phrases and terms isn't complete without a birds-eye view of seagull management. If you've heard this one, then it really isn't anything new, but the definition has my own twist to it.
If its not true, it sure feels that way. Someone takes one look at your office or operations from a mile away and they have it all figured out. Policies drop from the sky like rain, or more accurately, bird poop. Then away they fly and leave you to your mops and disinfectant to clean it all up. And, by the way, once its all better, it must have been their involvement that made it all good.
Don't worry, it will all be better tomorrow, unless you have the top down on the car. Oh, keep your mouth closed, for a variety of reasons. Cafe Press has items to wear and stick on people and things, all ready for your enjoyment.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Buzzword Bingo

Need something to do while the meeting's going on? What about when a call is going on and you have it on mute? You do have it on mute, right? Okay, even if you don't have it on mute you can play. You can play while sitting in a presentation, just make sure not to stand up and yell "bingo" or you'll give it all way.
So, here are some of the terms I used, I'm sure they're some of your favorites. "Downsize" is always a party favorite. Ooooo, how about "Open Door Policy?" Another party picker-upper.
If the game doesn't work for you, try saying a sentence with as many of the terms as you can. Well folks, first we're going to audit your realignment with the current stakeholders to see if we can establish synergy in a cohesive, team building, innovative business plan while streamlining and sharing best practices into our global portfolio. Do I know what that means? I'm really thinking that is the point. Dang, I really sounded like I knew what I was talking about. Buzzword Bingo is a great place to kick off the fun wile away the hours instead of doing something that really needs to be getting done.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


I think this one is sweet and oh, so true. How often have you heard the term "brainstorm" and had it simply suck the life right out of you. First of all, brainstorming is really a process and rarely is it followed. It is supposed to be a free-flow of ideas, but usually ends up just being a trickle. Can't anyone trust each other? Can't we just say what comes to our minds? WAKE UP! This is the real world and in the real world, we wait until its all over and put into place, the all powerful, specially organized and no-win blamestorm.

When the storm hits, it usually has little to due with the brain and more to do with a survival mechanism that apparently runs much deeper (or lower) than the brain; a couple feet lower as a matter of fact. Closer to the posterior, rump, oh hell, the ass. Yep, as in saving one's own . . .

Never done this? Oh, I see. Too noble eh? Well, I wish I could say the same and sleep at night. The blame-game is the 3rd oldest profession in the world. This is a semi-family blog, so I won't mention the first two. Find this one on stuff you'd love to wear in my store in Cafe Press under Blamestorm. I was wearing this one on a corporate trip to Georgia and got stopped more than once by laughs and comments. Pretty cool.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Corporate Crossword

Well here's another game to play while your attempting to do anything but pay attention to that vital conference call. Corporate Crossword will, I'm sure, give you seconds of exciting entertainment. Now, on the crossword puzzle, toward the bottom is the statement "see tomorrow's shirt for the answers" but, sorry to say, I have made no tomorrow's shirt which (plug, plug) is found on Cafe Press.. So, for the first time ever seen on the web, I will give some answers. Nail biting, isn't it?

Okay, let's work one here. The clue for 1 across is: "What you're told you have when your leader wants something from you OR what you don't have at raise time." Think it through now. It's five letters - first hint. Starts with a "V" and has some vowels in it (the vowel thing was for any executives reading this). Tic-tic-tic - yes you, sitting at the keyboard . . . Did you say value? That's it!

Well this leads to the next obvious one which is 1 down. Since you already have a "V" to start the work (heck, how many words can start with a "V", like six?), this one should be easy. "What you're told your leader has OR what you're expected to have a lack of when viewing your leader." You can see right through him or her, can't you? Okay, start the clock - starts with a "V" (tic -tic). Put on your rose-colored glasses - you got it . . . vision.
Well this is just too easy, but that's the idea. So easy, an executive could do it. So, get a shirt, join in the excitement and show your executive potential.
You will, of course, have to buy a few of them because once you written in the answers, you'll want a fresh one to keep other people on the call engaged.
Need more of the answers? So many blogs and such little time. Sorry, that's all I can reveal at this time. You'll have to tune back in sometime soon and see if I've given more tidbits away.